Happy 50th DeathDay
by tootapanga 1
Summary: Vala decides that instead of celebrating daniels birthday, theres 49 more parties in a year if they have Death day parties instead. each chapter has a new death with a humurous twist to it. maybe im just morbid, but please read and review. and enjoy.
1. Chapter 1 The Party

_A/N setups are always boaring but I hope you enjoy it, I promise it will get much better next chapter but hopefully you enjoy this anyway._

'Buut Daniel' Vala whined as she leaned on the door frame of his office.

'Vala, I'm busy ok' Daniel peered at her over the top of his book.

'With what?' she questioned as she began crossing the room to him.

'This!' he waved a piece of paper at her

'That's research isn't it? When Daniel are you going to learn..' she sat on his desk 'that there is always going to be another artifact that you have to research…I promise it will not magically grow little alien legs and run away while we're at lunch.'

'Look Vala... lunch sounds great if I wasn't on a deadline' he commented as he pushed her leg of his page and continued writing.

'What deadline?' she questioned

'The one on this' he tapped the stone with the end of his pen

'Ahh yeah I seem to recall that being a 'in your own time DR. Jackson'' she quoted in a deep voice 'so like I said… what dead line?'

'Ok ok the one I set, I want it finished by this afternoon' he grumbled as he held it up to the small lamp on his desk.

'Why?' Vala swung her legs carelessly allowing them to bump the desk slightly.

'Because...'

'Daniel!' she scolded seriously

'Because SG12 are due back tomorrow morning and they always bring something interesting'

'Ahh yes young lutenant capers…. She seems to need a lot of help with those interesting little things that come back with her' Vala agreed.

'Yeah I know' he commented absentmindedly

'Then I suppose you also know that she's quiet capable to figure it out on her own'

'I don't really think it's about capability…'

'No? Vala hummed sarcastically

'It's about having a second opinion to back your judgment' Daniel concluded as he continued writing in his journal

'Oh yes second opinions are great…especially when they come from such a handsome man' Vala flicked his desk lamp off, drawing his attention away from his papers.

'What?' he questioned

'You heard me…I think she likes you' she smiled flicking the lamp back on as if to symbolize the sudden realization.

'Daisy?'

'Yes daisy and I notice were on first name basis' she flicked the lamp back off.

'Vala stop messing around' he scolded

'Sorry' she apologized flicking it back on.

Daniel rolled his eyes and decided it was best to ignore her.

A few moments of silence passed before she was bored and started playing with the lamp switch again.

After a few more moments. He calmly placed his pen on his desk and leaned back in his chair, his arms folded over his chest and a frown on his face.

Vala smiled apologetically, before turning it on one last time.

'Sooo Daniel…' she shifted uncomfortably.

'What do you want?' he questioned patiently

'Lunch!' she stated simply as she began playing with his pen

'Vala I'm…'

'You promised… can't you just spare an hour and a half?' she whined

'How can it possibly take that long to eat? Daniel questioned

'Have you seen how much Teal'c eats? She retorted

'If I were to come, I thought it was just you and me?'

'Well it is, but the Teal'c comment assisted in my argument'

'Well since Teal'c's not eating with us…'

'Ok ok an hour fifteen?' she compromised

'Twenty minutes' he corrected as he grabbed his jacket

'One hour?'

'Twenty-five minutes' he huffed

'Forty five?'

'Thirty' he bargained

'Forty last deal' she sounded defeated.

'I don't have that much time Vala!' he grumbled

'What you gotta tidy your office for daisy?' she noted sarcastically

'Ok forty...but not a second more'

'Thank you darling' she smiled as she linked her arms through his and navigated their way through the hall.

'What?' he mumbled as she tugged on his arms.

'Will you just take your hands out your pockets? I can't fit my arm through' she complained

'Well maybe your arm shouldn't be there... I like my hands in my pockets.' He looked at her seriously.

'Well firstly Mr. Abrasive… you don't need to hold up this…facade... I see through you Daniel Jackson'

'Oh really?' he smiled mockingly

'Oh really, and secondly you have no idea of how to treat a lady' she yanked his arm and threaded hers around it.

'Oh isn't this delightful' he whipped his head around with a cynically.

She smiled almost self consciously before changing the subject. 'Do you realize that until our last mission, April was the only month of the earth year that you hadn't died?'

'Really? What an interesting piece of trivia' he really sounded irritated.

'And last time was the fiftieth time you died' she added, as she swung the doors of the cafeteria open

'Well actually…' he retorted

'SURPRISE!' a group yelled gleefully.

He looked blankly around the room for a moment before turning to Vala 'what's this?'

'A happy death day!' she bounced as she spoke

'Death day?' he questioned.

'well it's like a birthday… but your only suppose to get them once a year… and well I've given you three this year already…and well I figured.

I thought we could celebrate one of your fifty death days….it means more parties.

'And more cake...' jack toasted.

'But Vala...I've only died thirty-six times' he commented

'No no I distinctly remember Sam saying 'I'm going to kill him,' on our last mission,'

'And then she proceeded to do so...numerouse times' teal'c added

'Thirteen times'

'Yeah that was the best mission' cam toasted

'That's only forty-nine still' he mentally noted aloud

'Oh and I killed you to' she smiled

'Yes sorry about that Daniel' Sam smiled

'Oh you just wait until we get back there, I'm gonna get you' he laughed

'Oh, isn't this great!' Vala smiled as she handed around a piece of cake

'Don't worry I'm gonna get you to' Daniel scoured at her

'Daniel Daniel... cake balloons fiftytimes of the year what more could you want?' she smiled brightly

'What more could YOU want? 'He retorted as jack stole his cake.

_A/N please please review._


	2. Chapter 2 The Beginning

_A/N so maybe I'm going a little crazy with ideas at the moment. But I was watching the special features of ep. 200 and the writers said that they picked the most outrageous ideas and ran with them in the hopes people would like them, and in my opinion it's one of the best episodes, so maybe this, my lunacy is a good thing. Let me know what you think. :D _

_I've gone back in time a little to the planet that Vala was talking about when she said Sam killed Daniel repeatedly, so here's the story…._

'Sam?' I don't like playing' she mumbled as she headed off to the left...Following those strange readings.

'Daniel?' cam questioned 'like always…ancient ruins'

'Ever gonna change?'

'Nope' he squinted a smile before following Sam

'Teal'c?'

'A recently liberated civilization who have overthrown, their false gods.'

'Ok…Vala'

'Umm, trading planet...full of lots of nice things to buy' she smiled brightly as she skipped along

'Ok I'm gonna go with… corn...corn growers some more of that nice kasa...got that jack?'

'Yep, no problem...all written and recorded...usual wages?'

'Yep...sir?' cam asked

'Yes?' jacks scratchy voice came through the radio.

'What are you betting on?'

'Mind control' he stated simply

'Oh great' cam smiled pathetically

'Ok report back in three hours.' Jack advised

'Yes sir' cam looked around as the stargate event horizon disintegrated. It was a extremely pretty planet... there wasn't another planet that looked so alive, the grass was green the sky was blue... the trees and flowers were full, nothing seemed to be out of place, no fallen branches, or withered leaves…it almost didn't feel right.

'Sam?' he called

'Cam?' she replied

'Anything interesting?'

'Off the radar' she replied absentmindedly

'What is it?'

'I don't know…it's like nothing I've ever seen before.' She answered

'Ok...let me know when you find something'

Cam headed over to Teal'c

'This is a most unusual place' Teal'c noted

'I think we just got lucky…it's a perfect paradise' cam smiled.

'Perhaps too perfect' Teal'c noted

'What do you mean?' cam questioned

'Things are not always as they seem to be' Teal'c raised an eyebrow as he watched a ladybug like creature scurry past him.

'There's nothing for miles!' Vala called from s tree above them.

1 hour later

Don't tell me what to do Daniel' Vala complained

'Look I've been on this team longer than you' Daniel snapped

'So I don't care you still don't get to tell me what to do' she sulked

'Oh really' he stepped into her personal space trying to intimidate her.

'Daniel Jackson!' she practically yelled, and yet he stood firmly grounded.

'Hey hey hey…whats going on? Cam questioned as he came running to the scene

'He's telling me what to do' Vala whined

'Don't tell her what to do' cam instructed

'Don't you tell me what do do' Daniel snapped.

'Shut up Daniel!' Vala winged

'Or what?'

'I'll shoot you' she threatened.

'No you won't' he argued

'I will' she snapped

'No…you won't' he shook his head

'Oh just do it' cam huffed.

Within seconds Vala had drawn her p3-90 and shot a hole in Daniels foot.

'Ouch' he yelled. Before shooting back at her hitting her leg

'Ouch Daniel!' she cursed before shooting him clear through the chest.

After his body fell to the ground she realized what she did.

'Daniel? Oh god Daniel are you ok…cam I think I killed him' she started to panic.

'What's going on?' Sam asked as her and Teal'c arrived at the scene.

'She shot Daniel' cam explained.

'I-I didn't mean to it was a complete accident' she blabbered.

'Ouch' Daniel groaned as he rolled over a little…

Vala took a couple of steps away from him... 'Daniel you're ok?' she questioned

'Which one of you shot me?' he questioned angrily as he stood.

Cam instantly pointed to Vala.

'I believe O'Neill should be informed of this.' Teal'c suggested.

A/N out of character…I know, there's a reason. If you're interested could you please review and I'll post soon…I post quicker when I have more reviews.:D


	3. Chapter 3 Lucky Underwear

_A/N I'd like to say a special thank you to_

_Cort 85_

_Oldibrn_

_And lovably 17_

_For their lovely reviews, that encourage and inspire me._

_And for the next episode…._

'I'm sick of you vala!' Daniel turned and shot at her.

'Ha missed' she smiled as she dodged the bullet

'Oops' Daniel winced as it hit Sam in the butt'

She stumbled to the ground for a moment…

'Daniel!' she bellowed

'Ok ok, I said I'm sorry' he rapidly apologized.

'Uh-oh' vala smiled

'What?' Daniel questioned as he watched Sam looking at her butt.

'Umm, I think she's wearing her lucky underwear…' vala explained

'So?' Daniel asked

'So you put a hole in them…with your bullet.' Vala explained

'Daniel! I'm gonna kill you!' Sam bellowed as she began chasing him into the nearby forest.

Moments later a bang was heard.

'What the hell!' jack yelled through the radio.

'I regret to inform you they are all acting this way' teal'c continued.

'What like idiots…I expect that from vala...but not sam and Daniel!' jack exclaimed

'I do apologize'

'So why are you not loopy with the rest of them?' jack questioned

'I suspect it is because of my tritonin' teal'c noted

'Are we gonna get it if you bring them back through the gate?' jack asked

'I believe so…vala and Daniel were affected first…and then the others'

'Right…..ok…maybe …..Ok teal'c the doctor asked if you can get some blood work for us?'

'I don't know if they will allow me' teal'c noted

'I'm' sure you'll think of something' jack reassured him

BANG

'What was that?' jack asked

'I shot Colonel Mitchell' teal'c stated simply

'Why?' jack asked

'I had reason to believe he was going to become irritating shortly' teal'c explained

'So you shot him?' jack accused

'Indeed'

'Are you sure your ok? Jack questioned

'I am sure…I just found a new way to maximize my input of time into social activities' teal'c stated

'right… in that case can you shoot Daniel for me…tell him it's for all the times I told him to shut up or I'll shoot him.' jack laughed

'I shall' teal'c replied

'Ok...report back when you got the blood samples'

''indeed'

_A/N ok hope your enjoying my stupidity… mystery may be solved next chapter or the one after...but your gonna have to review or you'll never know. =D _


	4. Chapter 4 Blood Donations

_A/N sorry its been a while. I've been really buisy, with life, But I'm back._

_also I'd like to be a royal pain in the butt, and get down on my hands and knees and beg for more reviews. thanks...read on and enjoy._

**Chapter 4 -Figuring it out.**

'Hey Daniel?' Sam called,

'Hmm? he asked absentmindedly as he looked at a rock that seemed to have some unreconizable inscription on it.

'Bye' Sam smiled as she emptied half a magazine into his chest.

Daniel fell to the ground.

_2 Minutes later, daniel is alive again._

'Ok, so Teal'c I was tinking, everytime Sam kills me, and I come back to life, something happens' Daniel noted

'Indeed' Teal'c agreed.

'I feel smarter' Daniel added

'I believe you're intellegentance is not impared, DanielJackson, but for a time you return to your previouse self' Teal'c corrected.

'yeah, yeah, so...what do we do? he Questioned

'I shall require your assistance' Teal'c asked

'Theres a plan already?' Daniel looked confused

'Yes' Teal'c nodded.

'Ok, happy to help any way I can' Daniel agreed

'Good' Teal'c pulled a seringe out of his pocket.

'I need some blood' Teal'c asked

'Oh, no, not from me you don't, you know how much I hate needles' Daniel's face turned pale,

'Ok then there is something else you can assist me with' Teal'c noted.

'What...anything' Daniel was exited to help.

'Step back 3 meaters' Teal'c asked.

'Ok...what now?' Daniel asked as he stood in position.

'Die' Teal'c stated simply as he distrubuted a bullet into Daniel's head.

as Daniel lie on the ground Teal'c took some of his blood with the seringe and moved on.

_Sam's turn._

'You know Teal'c that wasn't a very nice thing to do.' Daniel whined.

'It was essential that I procure a sample of your blood' Teal'c explained.

'I know but still...' Daniel complained.

'How are you feeling DanielJackson?'

'Allot more like myself, but it only seems to last a few moments, after I die and then I go back to this...' Daniel faltered not knowing what words to use.

'Can you collect some of major Carter's blood for me?' Teal'c enquired

'Sure' Daniel smiled as he took a seringe and headed in the direction of Sam.

'Hey Sam' he hollared

Sam turned around in a rage, instantly raising her gun at daniels head, but she fell to the ground instead.

'Sorry Sam' he mumbled as he stood over her collecting the blood in the sam fashion Teal'c had done to him.

_In the meantime._

'CameronMitchell, what are you doing?' Teal'c questioned.

'How dare you have the audacity to adress me as anything less tha...'

'BANG'.

_Vala's turn_

'Vala?' Teal'c questioned.

'Oh yes Teal'c?...well speak, or have you come to admire my beauty...'

BANG.

_Back to Daniel._

'DanielJackson...have you the blood I requested?' Teal'c asked.

'Excuse me...what makes you think that just because you ask somethin...'

BANG

'Thankyou DanielJackson' Teal'c smiled as he took the seringe.

_Back at the gate._

'So Teal'c got the samples I asked for?' Jack questioned.

'I do' Teal'c commented.

'I hope you didn't have to much trouble' Jack commented.

'No I simply shot and took the blood'

'Oh, how are you feeling?' Jack asked

'Quiet well' Teal'c smiled

'Ok...I also think you should send all your guns back through to...if you don't mind' Jack asked

'I shall keep one' Teal'c answered.

'Why?'

'Damage controll' Teal'c aknowlaged.

A/N short and sweet. hope your liking it.. I know that my spelling may be off, I'm getting spell check soon. Anyway please please review.


	5. Chapter 5 The MALP

_A/N ok so here for the last chapter, it's not what I had planned but I hope you like it. :D_

Almost a week had passed before the tests were conclusive.

Teal'c had taken to shooting both parties as soon as an argument had began. And silently he found amusement in Daniel and Sam finding new ways to kill each other for revenge.

Homemade bow and arrows, boulders on head, repetitive whacking.

It was resourceful at least.

But they were rescued by Sg5, apparently the planet wasn't to harmful, but its core was made of the same stuff the sarcophagus was, so while reviving them they also became arrogant and wanted to be served.

After some tests the doctor concluded that Teal'c was not affected, and he was just obviously impatient.

So now everyone was back to normal they decided o get their own on Teal'c.

It all began in the shower with a zat.

Sam poked her arm around the corner and zatted the Jaffa, the thud was heard, but no one else seemed to pay attention.

Vala had radioed through that everything was ready, so Sam left and headed back to the security room.

Daniel and cam were left struggling to carry the man through the halls. This was of course a difficult task; the great lump of muscle just wouldn't budge easily. Eventually cam had an idea.

'Wait here' cam shoved them both into an escape hatch and ran off.

Moments later he returned, and as he swung the door open he laughed.

'Daniel. With a naked man' cam snorted

'Shut up! so what did you get?'

'ta-da!' cam helped get Teal'c out of the escape hatch, and showed Daniel the MALP.

Oh, good one!' Daniel smiled as they hung Teal'c over it.

'Umm,' cam fumbled for the towel and hung it discreetly over the but that was mooning him.

And so they began following the MALP through the corridors. Past the armoury...and the locker room...and their quarters, when Vala stepped out on her way to start the next part of the plan when she saw them and laughed at Daniel who was trying to help hold the towel in place, after being laughed at he gave up.

Vala encouraged them with a thumbs up, and they continued...past general Landry's office.

It was about then that the towel dripped and somehow got caught in the wheel of the MALP. And so it stopped. Teal'c's butt magnificently facing general laundry who was sitting at his desk.

'Quick, get it out' cam ordered, Daniel bent down and tried to untangle the fabric from the wheel.

'I can't' Daniel hissed

'Cam moved the MALP back a little and the general looked up at the noise.

'Got it?' cam asked

'Nope move it again' Daniel said

'And so the MALP went forward.

After a couple minutes of confusion watching the MALP and teal'c's butt going in and out of view the general shook his head and went to the door.

'What the hell is going on?' he snapped

'General...sir' cam saluted, somehow pressing a button, and getting Daniels sleeve caught in the wheel.

'I don't want to know...but I'm guessing this is some sort of payback' laundry stated with a small hint of a smile

''yes sir' cam responded

'Get it out of here' the general almost laughed as he shut his door.

'Got it Jackson?' cam asked

'Nope, but it got my sleeve' he added.

'Well if I move are you going to get more tangled?'

'Don't think.' Daniel advised

'Ok let's move'

So there the MALP with teal'c's butt displayed, and Daniels face rather close as he did some sort of squatted walk alongside the MALP with cam close behind, continued through the corridor.

Past the infirmary...

And dr. Lam looks out and sees, Daniels face, suspiciously close to a Jaffa's mooning butt, pass her office.

'Cam? She questions.

'Later' he smiles

She shrugged; she'd seen stranger things since working at the SGC.

And finally they arrived in the gate room. Hoping that Vala and Sam had done their jobs.

After working Daniels jacket loose, they flopped Teal'c onto the chair that had been placed on the gate ramp.

And they tied him, and waited for the girls. Sam arrived first. With a wide smile,

'Yes I saw what you did to the poor general and Carolyn' she giggled

'Did anyone else see?' cam asked

'Nope I got the cameras all sorted'

'Good' Daniel smiled

And so they waited in silence until Vala arrived.

Her hair was tussled and she was still wiping her smudged lip gloss, and she smiled widely.

'Distraction dealt with' she stated proudly, which earned a glare from Daniel.

The four of them looked at there unconscious friend before walking off to the cafeteria. Yeah, it was going to be hilarious when the next team prepared to go through the gate.

Yeahp, just like Teal'c said...they were a resourceful bunch.

_A/N haha I had so much fun writing this, although it didn't turn out as well as it did in my head. But please review, I hope you liked it. :D_


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